was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
