The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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