i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
