We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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