from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
