I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
