piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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