I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
