I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
