I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
