Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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