Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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