There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I could make wine with my vomit
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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