I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
where are you?
Hypothermia
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
