So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
