she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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