You're my little dorito
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
