ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
