don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
