So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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