he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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