I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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