apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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