He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
