Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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