I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
