How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
