Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
