I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
