You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
