yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
