i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
