So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
