I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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