This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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