I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
