I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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