I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
he was CRYING into my vagina
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.