I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.