I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
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almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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