Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!

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  (313): lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club (810): I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds (810): Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies! http://tfl.nu/l421
  Replies (5) Good night (1418) Bad night (598)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.

  (1-631): View more from New York

  I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.

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  (631): I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified. (1-631): I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes. http://tfl.nu/l5ui
  Replies (50) Good night (7183) Bad night (1836)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke

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  (317): Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke http://tfl.nu/o61t
  Replies (16) Good night (6351) Bad night (760)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.

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  (504): Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come. http://tfl.nu/6ryd
  Replies (75) Good night (5351) Bad night (619)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

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  (631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm
  Replies (51) Good night (2154) Bad night (6824)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"

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  (757): You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis" http://tfl.nu/xzec
  Replies (27) Good night (8364) Bad night (1645)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.

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  (774): It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness. http://tfl.nu/e7ic
  Replies (11) Good night (1661) Bad night (2714)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.

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  (978): I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now. http://tfl.nu/xddc
  Replies (17) Good night (11566) Bad night (1057)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...

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  (435): Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters... http://tfl.nu/orhj
  Replies (1) Good night (959) Bad night (2613)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.

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  (902): I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence. http://tfl.nu/pvbz
  Replies (11) Good night (5320) Bad night (785)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.

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  (214): I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002. http://tfl.nu/v8jb
  Replies (12) Good night (1093) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal

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  (831): to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal http://tfl.nu/c7f7
  Replies (5) Good night (540) Bad night (1198)
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  (+32): View more from Belgium

  You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...

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  (+32): You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep... http://tfl.nu/47cg
  Replies (2) Good night (990) Bad night (302)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.

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  (202): I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part. http://tfl.nu/p8tj
  Replies (2) Good night (401) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat

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  (321): This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat http://tfl.nu/jdal
  Replies (0) Good night (604) Bad night (274)

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