I wish my penis had an off switch
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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