i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize