I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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