So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
