Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
