dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
