And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
