I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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