why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
