Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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