READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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