I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
