butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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