I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
