My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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