two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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