would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
