What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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