I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
