You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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