hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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