I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your cock deserves a montage
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
