My friends, they love my intelligence
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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