i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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