i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
