Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
