i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
