Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
