Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
3 2 1 whiskey
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
