i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
