I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
