Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
