It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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