when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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