why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
someone owes me an orgasm
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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