Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
