why didn't you poke me back
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
